28th
January 28th, 2010: No thoughts, just visions.
You tear me up more times then I can figure out. One minutes I’ll hate you, wanna throw your phone down to the ground and watch your face as it shatters. Leaving all your dirty laundry on the floor. I wanna forget every picture of every moment those lips weren’t mine. I wanna hit something, I wannna scream loud enough to make you hear me for the last time, I wannna cry so deeply that these tears can wash away the way things are. I’ve never been violent, but oh, how you corrupt me. With the slither of your hand down her spine, and it’s a time bomb in my head. Ticking to the sound of sanity. But there’s no where to shatter. No place the pieces can scatter soundly. And it’s inevitable. It seems as though each countdown kicks the clock the minute your hand meets mine. And from there we go, down we go to the depths of broken promises, we break like practice. Plunging farther with every move we said we’d never make again, every look that we said wouldn’t turn into a stare, and every feeling of contentness I promised myself didn’t come from you.
But they’re all right, we can’t do this. We run in the circles we cut out of the squares. We hold back until it hurts to wonder if the other one has let go.
But this is instinct, this isn’t wrong and right. This is the way your body looks like the back of my hand. These are the curves I ache for when there’s nothing beneath my fingertips. This is the way you look at me when I’ve said something predictable. This is your stupid stride, and our five minute alarms turning into months. This is what makes me tremble when I’ve walked away too soon. This is when I can’t reach to you because they might see, goddamn they’ll see. And what would they think of you if they knew the truth? What we we think of each other if we would see the truth for ourselves?
I’m selfish for you. And I’m running out white flags that always end up in the dust.
